Tamagetamonda (たまげたもんだ)

              Tamagetamonda is a Japanese word that would best describe the whole experience I had with the homestay program. Homestay, I believe, is one of the most incredible opportunities that a foreigner should not miss. Opportunities only come once, and it should be grabbed without hesitation or else it will not pass again. I came to Japan not only to study but also to learn its cultures and tradition. In order to learn those things, one needs to live them. Experience is the best teacher and the three (3) day homestay program I sure did learned a lot.

Everything is New

I am totally new to homestay so I do not know what to expect or how to prepare myself whether mentally, emotionally or physically. However, what motivates me to be excited about was the whole new experience that I could get out of this activity. New people, new friends, new place and new family, everything is new in a sense that I have never experienced such a rare opportunity to live like a Japanese living in the countryside.

Going to Takahagi City not knowing what lies ahead spells excitement. I experienced playing Koto, a traditional musical instrument, strumming to the tune of Sakura. After that we went to see how a traditional tea ceremony is prepared, served and actually making one.

The evening came, and we still do not know who our homestay parents would be and that made me more anxious. Looking at the stage, where a bunch of families gathers, one of those are possibly my homestay family. After a few minutes, they announced the family and were excited in finally meeting them. I saw how nervous they were, but, at the same time, I saw that they were happy to have finally met me. The same goes with my feelings towards them.

The Challenge

Staying in Japan is the most challenging experienced that I have ever encountered in my life. I easily adapt to every culture, food and traditions to different countries that I have ever been into but not on language. Communicating in Japanese is a challenge of my adaptability skills. I tried to prepare myself for this program, but I failed on learning the communication part. I know how to read and write but not on conversing in Japanese. However, that challenge gave me even more motivation to learn Japanese and to apply everything that I have leaｒned by heart. It may not be an easy road to marvel, but the whole experience gave me enough strength to muster and accept the greater challenges that lie ahead.

My Homestay Family

All my life, I have lived with relatives. They reared me as their own. I have never felt the love of a mother and father, although, that love was filled by my Aunts. However, this experience is a totally different one. It gave me an opportunity, not only to live like what a typical Japanese family lived, but to experience what a father and mother do to their children. In a short amount of time staying with my おかあさん and おとおさん,　it gave me a glimpse of love a child could get out of their parents. Although I have to process everything what they have told me (they only speak in Japanese); however, the experience is really worthwhile. One advice from my おとおさん　that I won’t forget is not to worry about life or what it brings. Everything happens for a reason, and I need to accept that. In order to grow, we must live by these reasons and allow oneself to be strengthened by the circumstances in life.

One thing that helped me get through my Japanese was my homestay brother who helped me understand the things that my parents were telling us. I am the youngest in our family so I have not experienced in having a younger brother. This experience gave me another opportunity to be an older brother. I could not ask for a better family than my homestay family – the Tobita Family.

My homestay family lived near the coast. I could still hear the rushing sounds of the waves, the whistling hum of the shells and the cool breeze it brings. Being there and experienced all of these made me really happy. To end the family bonding was a beautiful rainbow floating at the sky wishing us well and happiness.

I may not have thanked them enough, but I wish to thank them again for the splendid hospitality that they have shown. I would like to thank also the Takahagi City government for having such an incredible program and for the Internal Christian University for taking part on this program. I will certainly treasure every bit of this these experience all my life.

Life and Love

Life must go on...

Like a tree that is planted in my heart
It needs to be nourished and watered;
Like a flower that blooms every spring
Like my heart pounding in a boxing ring.


But love cannot be love without someone to be loved
I may be foolish but I know it's true;
That falling in love with you
Is the greatest feeling even when I am blue.

Could love be there when the rain starts to pour?
Could love still be there even when it's broken?
Could love still be there when you're not around;
No it isn't
because Love, your Love is the Love when Love isn't there.


5/30/2004
5:30PM

Fate: A Sassy Girl Story

fate and love

What is fate? as most people may ask. It is building a bridge of chance for someone you love. There is one thing that love strongly suggest that if you love someone, set her free. What is wrong with someone whom you do not love marry?. Ironic, however, true.

What is love? Ask yourself. Do you love her? I think not. If you want to find love, stop being foolish and start living. If she comes back to you, she's all yours.

Love is blind they say
But what can't you see states;
That falling in love is a hearsay
This feeling of mine obliterates.

sassy girl movie

a sassy girl

Can you see this ache in my heart
How I wish this wouldn't last;
But what can I do, I love you so
God, help me to find a cure fast.

fate? what is it?

Why can't I erase you in my mind
I am full of you;
Please stop this at once
Or else I may be blind.

I want to lose you  but I can't
I want to slap you but my hands got tied up;
I want to squeeze you hard until you pop
But this love mine keeps stronger in an instant.

fate controls

O, how I love you so
Please get out of my sight;
I don't want to be hurt again
But I can't help it, I'm a fool for you.

I love you with all my heart
I love you no matter what;
O, how I wish you will be a part
Of my life 'til the very last drop of my blood stops.

Sing me a Song 2

The title of the song is Beauty of Your Grace. As I led the music ministers in singing this song, we just want to praise God for the wonderful grace that He has given us.

travis singing beauty of Your Grace

The Irreplaceable Void

A story worth sharing

4 years ago, an accident took my beloved away and very often I wonder, how does my wife, who is now in the heavenly realm, feel right now? She must be feeling extremely sad for leaving a husband who is incapable to taking care of the house and the kid. 'cos that is the exact feeling that I have, as I feel that I have failed to provide for the physical and emotional needs of my child, and failed to be the dad and mum for my child.

There was one particular day, when I had an emergency at work. Hence, I had to leave home whilst my child was still sleeping. So thinking that there was still rice leftovers, I hastily cooked an egg and left after informing my sleepy child.

With the double roles, I am often exhausted at work as well as when I am home. So after a long day, I came home, totally drained of all energy. So with just a brief hug and kiss for my child, I went straight into the room, skipping dinner. However, when I jumped into my bed with intention of just having a well-deserved sleep, all i heard and felt was broken porcelain and warm liquid! I flipped open my blanket, and there lies the source of the 'problem'... a broken bowl with instant noodles and a mess on the bedsheet  and blanket!

Boy, was I mad! I was so furious that I took a clothes hanger, charged straight at my child who was happily playing with his toy, and give him a good spanking! He merely cried but not asking for mercy, except a short explanation:

"Dad, I was hungry and there wasn't anymore leftover rice. But you were not back yet, hence I wanted to cook some instant noodles. But I remembered you reminding me not to touch or use the gas stove without any adults around, hence I turned on the shower and used the hot water from the bathroom to cook the noodles.. One is for you and the other is for me. However, I was afraid that the noodles will turn cold, so I hid it under the blanket to keep it warm till you return. But I forgot to remind you 'cos I was playing with my toys...I am sorry Dad..."

At that moment, tears were starting to run down my cheeks...but I didn't want my son to see his dad crying so I dashed into the bathroom and cried with the shower head on to mask my cries. After that episode, I went towards my son to give him a tight hug and applied medication on him, while coaxing him to sleep. Then, it was time to clear up the mess on the bed. When everything was done and well past midnight, I passed my son's room, and saw that he was still crying, not from the pain on his little buttock, but from looking at the photograph of his beloved mummy.

A year has passed since the episode, I have tried, in this period, to focus on giving him both the love of his dad and mum, and to attend to most of his needs. And soon, he is turning seven, and will be graduating from kindergarten.. Fortunately, the incident did not leave a lasting impression on his childhood memories and he is still happily growing up.

However, not so long ago, I hit my boy again, with much regret. This time, his kindergarten teacher called, informing me of my son's absence from school. I took off early from work and went home, expecting him to explain. But he wasn't to be found, so I went around our house, calling out his name and eventually found him outside a stationery shop, happily playing computer games. I was fuming, brought him home and whack the hell out of him. He did not retaliate, except to say, 'I am sorry, Dad'. But after much probing, I realized that it was a 'Talent Show' organized by his school and the invite is for every student's mummy. And that was the reason for his absence as he has no mummy.....

Few days after the caning, my son came home to tell me, the kindergarten has recently taught him how to read and write. Since then, he has kept to himself and stayed in his room to practise his writing, which I am sure, would make my wife proud, if she was still around. 'cos he makes me proud too!

Time passes by very quickly, and soon another year has passed. It's winter, and its Christmas time. Everywhere the christmas spirit is in every passer-by...Christmas carols and frantic shoppers....but alas, my son got into another trouble. When I was about to knock off from the day's work, the post office called. Due to the peak season, the post master was also on an edgy mood. He called to tell me that my son has attempted to post several letters with no addressee. Although I did make a promise never to hit my son again, I couldn't help but to hit him as I feel that this child of mine is really beyond control. Once again, as before, he apologized, ' I'm sorry, Dad' and no additional reason to explain. I pushed him towards a corner, went to the post office to collect the letters with no addressee and came home, and angrily questioned my son on his prank, during this time of the year.

His answer, amidst his sobbing, was :  The letters were for Mommy.

My eyes grew teary, but I tried to control my emotions and continued to ask him: " But why did u post so many letters, at one time?" My son's reply was: " I have been writing to mummy for a long time, but each time I reach out for the post box, it was too high for me, hence I was not able to post the letters. But recently, when I went back to the postbox, I could reach it and I sent it all at once..."

After hearing this, I was lost. Lost at not knowing what to do, what to say.....

I told my son, " Son, mummy is in the heavenly kingdom, so in future, if you have anything to tell her, just burn the letter and it will reach mummy. My son, on hearing this, was much pacified and calm, and soon after, he was sleeping soundly. On promising that I will burn the letters on his behalf, I brought the letters outside, but couldnt help opening the letter before they turn to ash.

And one of the letters broke my heart....

Dear Mommy,

I miss you so much! Today, there was a  'Talent Show' in school, and the school invited all mothers for the show. But you are not around, so I did not want to participate as well. I did not tell Dad about it as I was afraid that Dad would start to cry and miss you all over again. Dad went around looking for me, but in order to hide my sadness, I sat in front of the computer and started playing games at one of the shops. Dad was furious, and he couldnt help it but scolded and hit me, but I did not tell him the real reason. Mummy, everyday I see Dad missing you and whenever he think of you, he is so sad and often hide and cry in his room..  I think we both miss you very very much. Too much for our own good I think.. But Mummy, I am starting to forget your face. Can you please appear in my dreams so that I can see your face and remember you? I heard that if you fall asleep with the photograph of the person whom you miss, you will see the person in your dreams. But mummy, why havent you appear?

After reading the letter, I cant stop sobbing. 'cos I can never replace the irreplaceable gap left behind by my wife....


For the females with children:

Don't do so much overtime. If you cannot finish the work, it must be some kind of problems within the company, and it is not your sole problem. Feedback to your boss. Endless overtime may not necessary be the answer to the problem. Take care of your health so that you can treasure and take care of your little precious.


For the married men:

Drink less, smoke less, cause nothing can replace your good health, not even business nor clients.

Try thinking this way, are you able to work till your clients are totally dependent on you? or your boss is totally dependent on you? In this society, no one is indispensable.

Take care of your health, so that you can take care of your little precious and your loved ones.

For those singles out there:

Beauty lies in loving yourself first.

With confidence and loving yourself, you will see the beauty in other things around you. You will be able to work better and happier. Don't let your health be affected by your work or your boss, so nothing matters more than your well being.

For everyone:
Love God above all things for He is our everything. He gave His only Begotten Son to save us from our sins and prosper us. Let's love one another forHis Honor and Glory.